And all through New England, not a fan was excited, not a sole in the region;
Sox jerseys stayed put in the closet this year,
The Celtics and Patriots took up the sports radio air;
John Henry was gone in Pittsburg or Europe,
While Tom Werner was out eating Vermont Maple Syrup;
Cora in his ballcap and Breslow in his suit,
Were just hoping this starting rotation would do;
When just then on Twitter there arose some chatter;
Did the Sox sign a starting pitcher that’ll matter?
Timelines were refreshed from Back Bay to Worcester,
Montgomery to the desert, what a disaster;
One year 25 million is the deal that was struck,
Too rich for the Sox who must be trying to suck;
The market this winter had arms that’d help,
But every good pitcher found a home somewhere else;
The one arm we signed, a guy named Giolito,
Is surely a move every Sox fan would veto;
We’re stuck with Bello and old friend Chris Sale,
Except Sale’s in Atlanta and we’re paying his deal;
Now Devers, Now Casas, Now Duran and Yoshida,
On Wong On Story On Valdez and Rafaella;
From first base to third base, center field, and left,
What if’s and questionmarks across the diamond at best;
Prospects are prospects, success not assured,
Is Bello still one, this season’s his third;
Rafaela his second, Duran his fourth,
Imagine if either earned an all-star birth;
The pipeline has promise with Mayer and Anthony,
But Roman is young and Marcello’s stuck behind Story;
Devers and Casas will hit balls in the stands,
But they play defense like they have frying pans for hands;
All hope is not lost, as this team they should hit,
But their new second basemen won’t take the field for a bit;
Last year Yoshida was a 90 million man,
But he’s awful in the field, so O’Neill will step in;
Our closer’s 36, our setup man 37,
By August they’ll be another teams weapon;
Despite no additions and the Giolito injury,
The spring was successful, they have great chemistry;
It remains to be seen if that helps on the field,
Or if this team is so bad that their fate has been sealed;
So what should the fans look forward to this year?
Showing up to the ballpark and having a beer;
They said it themselves, multiple times loud and clear,
That Fenway itself is their best draw this year;
Sure tickets are expensive, the most in the league,
But so are concessions to watch a last-place team;
When the season starts tomorrow, I’ll give it a peep,
Except the game starts at 10, so I’ll be soundly asleep;
Their first game at home is on April the 9th,
In the AL East they’ll be at least 6 games behind;
So as the Sox fly to Seattle, there’s not much more to say,
Happy baseball season to all, happy opening day.
‘Twas the Night Before the 2024 Red Sox Season
