The Pats winning last week gave me a little more gusto to do picks this week.
WSH @ PHI -3.5: I’d have picked Washington to not only cover but win. Pick: Commanders
IND @ NYJ -4: Two teams that are in undesirable spots. The Jets had Super Bowl aspirations coming into the year that have crashed and burned while the Colts thought AR15 was the answer, but benched him for Pimp Juice Joe, only to go back to him this week. Not good for either team. This will be a close game, so I’ll take the Colts, but, its not a confident pick so my distaste for the Jets is clouding my judgment. Fuck it. Pick: Colts
BAL @ PIT +3: I can’t wait to watch this game. I’ll probably have to use some Backwoods Redit stream to watch it since the Pats are at home, but this should be a great game that will give my iPad herpes. I still can’t figure out how the Steelers keep winning, but they do, and should be respected as the 7-2 team they are (that will lose wildcard weekend). I’m a believer in Lamar and the Ravens…unless they’re playing the Chiefs…so I’m rolling with Edgar Allen Poe and the Ravens. Thump Thump. Pick: Ravens
MIN @ TEN +6.5: Get right game like you read about for the Vikings. They have had a few ugly wins recently, but this one will be a laugher. Pick: Vikings
CLE @ NO +1: The three-dollar question is…how long does the adrenaline high of a new coach last? If it’s 2 weeks then the Browns Saints will roll. If it’s one week, it’ll be a rock fight. Either way, the only part of this game I care about is Alvin Kamara getting touches and scores. For that reason, and that reason alone, I’ll take the Saints. Pick: Saints
JAX @ DET -14: My god is this a fucking HUGE spread…is what I thought before I remembered that Mac Jones is starting for the Jags. He’s a bitch. I’ll take the Lions to cover in an absolute laugher. Pick: Lions
GB @ CHI +5.5: It’s with great pleasure that I announce that the NEW FUCKING ENGLAND PATRIOTS broke the Bears last week. Chicago went into that tilt thinking it was a get-right game and ended up losing 19-3. Demoralizing, but hilarious from my perspective. The Packers are on their way to the playoffs and will make short work of the Bears. Pick: Packers
LV @ MIA -7: Vegas is good, man. this seven-point spread has me torn. On one side, I don’t think the Dolphins can string 2 together, but on the other hand, the Raiders stink. I just flipped a coin (in my mind) and it told me to go with the Raiders, so we’re #TeamVegas for this one. Pick: Raiders
LAR @ NE +4.5: Drake Maye, baby. Us Patriots fans have hope right now and picking against them seems like a bad idea. Give me the Pats by 10+ (hides behind the couch). Pick: Patriots
ATL @ DEN +2: Falcons need to get back on the beam if they want to be taken seriously, big picture. I know Bo and the Broncos almost pulled off the upset in KC last week but came up short due to a blocked FG. I’m assuming they put a lot of emotional energy into the Chiefs game and will come out a little flat in this one against a team that needs W to keep their season on the rails. Give me the Falcons in a semi-blowout. Pick: Falcons
SEA @ SF -6.5: I’m sick of Geno. Pick: 49res
KC @ BUF -2: I am more excited for this game than I have been for a regular season tilt in some time. Josh Allen and the Bills tend to get the best of Mahomes and the Chiefs in the regular season, and, judging by my calendar, it’s still the regular season, so I’ll take Buffalo to win this one but ultimately lose to the Chiefs, again, in the postseason. Pick: Bills
CIN @ LAC -1.5: Burrow and Chase are going to absolutely steamroll the Chargers. The funny part about that is the Chargers will make the playoffs and the Bengals won’t, but on Sunday, none of that matters, and the Bengals are going to win by 2 TD’s. Pick: Bengals
HOU @ DAL +7: Dallas is a mess. Pick: Texans
