Now that I have 2 kids, and the Patriots use their asshole like a vagina, my interest is dwindling, but here we are for another week of quick picks.
CIN @ BAL -6.5: I still can’t figure out, for the life of me, how the Bengals can be sitting at 4-5 with the amount of offensive talent they have, but here we are. They were in the Super Bowl 3 years ago and were in the AFCCG 2 years ago, but this current iteration of the Bengals looks more like the Dalton-era Bengals than what they were a few years ago. That one Super Bowl appearance, though, is more than this current version of the Ravens have, so there’s that. None of that matters this week, though. The Ravens are on a war path and will make short work of Cincinnati on TNF. Given the Bengal’s firepower, though, the thought of a back door cover is too much for me to pick the Ravens to win by a TD. Give me the Bengals to cover. Pick: Bengals
NYG @ CAR +6.5: Wooooof. The Panthers beat the Saints last week, but that says more about the operation in New Orleans than it does about the Panthers. The Giants are another bottom-feeder organization meaning this game is being played for draft position and draft position only. The 6.5 points scares me, but I don’t think the Panthers can string two non-awful games together, so I’ll take the Giants to win this one and frustrate Big Blue fans in the process. Wait. If I’m being honest, I want Brian Dabol to be the Patriots OC next year, so lets go with the Panthers to put another nail in Dabol’s Giants coffin. Pick: Panthers
SF @ TB +6.5: Three weeks ago, I thought the Bucs were going to be legit contenders, but they’re riding a 3-game losing streak, albeit to good teams in the Chiefs, Falcons, and Raiders, and will be looking for blood Sunday. San Fran is getting healthy, but I think a desperate Buccaneers team will cover and win this one. Pick: Buccaneers
ATL @ NO +4: Fuck the Saints. They set the world on fire in weeks 1 and 2, but are 0-7 since. They fired their coach and their fans are now more interested in watching college football and “scouting” quarterbacks than they are in the on-field product for the remainder of 2024. As a Patriots fan, I know how painful this is, but if you hit (like I think the Patriots have), it can all be forgotten in short order. This week, however, will be another ugly one for Fleur-de-lis and their fans. Pick: Falcons
DEN @ KC -7.5: This is the week. This is the week the Chiefs finally suffer a loss. They have been playing with fire all year, yet have not dropped one thus far. Anyone who reads this blog knows I’m not a big fan of Bo Nix, but he’s got this Denver offense playing good football, which is a credit to him and his coach Sean Peyton. I still think the Chiefs will win the war and capture their third Lombardi in a row, but they won’t win them all, and Week 10 will be their first loss of the season. (Yes, I realize this take almost ensures the Chiefs will win 45-3, but there’s no fun in picking them, so I’m shooting my shot here.) Pick: Broncos
**The picks above were done on Thursday Night before the TNF game. The rest, if I find time, will come before kickoff on Sunday**
BUF @ IND +4: The Bills have KC next week, which is undoubtedly a game they’vbe had cricled on their schedule since it was released over the summer. Will they overlook a pesky Colts team lead by the Pimp, Joe Flacco, or will they beat them to a pulp and enter Chiefs week firing on all cylandars? I choose the later. Pick: Bills
PIT @ WSH -2.5: I still can’t figure out the Steelers. They are not an objectively good team, but somehow they sit at 6-2. I give Mike Tomlin a lot of credit for getting the most out of Fields and now Limp Dick Russel. It’s hard to win consistently in the NFL when you defense has to lead the way, but through 8 games, the proof is in the proverbial pudding. The Commanders have graduated from nice story to solid team and are now knocking on the door of being a legit playoff team. Win this one to get to 8-2 and you’re basically assured a playoff birth and, with 2 games left against the Eagles, a division title and potentially a first-round bye is in the cards. I’ll take the Commies to convert in a close one given how the Steelers play. Pick: Steelers
MIN @ JAX +7: Fuck the Jags. I’m no longer a long-term believer in the Vikings given the cracks in the foundation I see with Darnold, but they’re absolutely a TD better than the Jags. Pick: Vikings
NE @ CHI -6: Mother fucker are the Patriots annoying. They had every chance to win last week but couldn’t for a multitude of reasons with the offensive line and playcalling at the forefront. The Bears are a perfectly mediocre .500, which is something the Patriots would kill for. I’m an unapoligetic homer so I’ll take the Patriots to cover for one reason and one reason only. If I go into this game expecting them to lose by a TD or more, that means the Patriots are so bad that even Drake May can’t help them win, and I’m not mentally ready to admit that despite all the evidence pointing towards it. Pick: Patriots
TEN @ LAC -7.5: I’m all over the place on the Chargers. I don’t really like Herbert or Harbaugh but they’re 5-3 and are in the playoff hunt in the AFC. The Titans, however, stink out loud and barely survived a Patriots team that’s in the poll position for the #1 pick in the draft last week. The 7.5 point spread is more than I’d like, but I’ll roll with Herbert and Co. to win this one by double digits. Pick: Chargers
PHI @ DAL +7.5: Fuuuuuuck Dallas. Pick: Eagles
NYJ @ ARI +2: The Cardinals played a great game last week against the Bears while the Jets pulled off a surprising TNF win against the Texans 10 days ago. I’m actually mildly surprised that the Jets are favored, especially given where this game is being played, but that’s all the more reason for me to pick COD Kyler and the Cardinals to cover and win (by a TD). Pick: Cardinals
DET @ HOU +3.5: This should be an incredible game on Sunday Night. The Texans are licking their wounds after losing to Aaron Rodgers and the Jets on TNF last week while the Lions are scorching hot. Short of their hiccup against the Bucs in week 2, they are unblemished and are downright dismantling teams this year. I still think the Texans are playoff team, especially given their division, but they don’t have the gusto to hang with Goff, his efficiency, and his arsenal of weapons. I think the Lions will roll and Goff will be wearing a baseball hat for much of the 4th quarter. Pick: Lions
MIA @ LAR -1: The Dolphins, from my perspective, have zero resilience while the Rams are showing me something every week lately. I had written off the Rams earlier this season and figured their window was closed, but Stafford and McVay didn’t hear no bell and have put together a solid 3-game winning streak. Make it 4 in a row for the Rams in semi-dominant fashion. Pick: Rams
