Three more weeks of mediocre picks starts now!
JAX @ NYJ -2.5: The fact that I’m kind of excited to watch this is one of the more surprising developments of 2022. Jags STUNNED the Cowboys last week while the Jets lost to the Lions, which is nothing to hang your head about these days. Mike White is still out with a rib injury so the MILF Hunter will again start for Gang Green which means the Jets will turn it over at least twice. The wildcard is Trevor Lawrence. Will he play like a stud or will he play like a dipshit and match Zach Wilson in turnovers. I think the Jags ceiling is higher than the Jets, while both teams have a similar floor. Give me the Jags to cover and win outright. Pick: Jags
NO @ CLE -3: Browns keep it going and stifle the Saints offense that can’t string good games together. Pick: Browns
ATL @ BAL -7: Seven points is a lot considering Lamar either won’t play or will be at less than 100%. I know the Falcons are trotting out a rookie who threw for a whopping 97 yards last week in his first start, but I don’t think a Jackson-less Ravens team is a TD better than the falcons. They’ll probably win, but this game screams 17-13, so I’m going with Atlanta. Pick: Falcons
CIN @ NE +3: Patriots are broken. I don’t care what the stats say, this defense is not elite and seems to break when they can least afford to. The Bengals are firing on all cylinders as the regular season comes to a close (like the Patriots used to do) and will lay absolute waste to the Patriots in spectacular fashion. The Pats defense will keep the Bengals in check (ish) for the first 2.5 quarters, but with the offense consistently going 3-and-out, they will get tired and the Bengals will run away with this game and win by 3 scores. Pick: Bengals
BUF @ CHI + 8: Justin Fields will be, at least, hobbled and Buffalo is on a war path. Pick: Bills
NYG @ MIN -4.5: I have zero idea how the Vikings will react after their record-setting comeback last week against the Colts. Part of me wants to think they will bring the heat and take care of business against a team they should beat, handily at home. But the other part of me realizes that they were down 33-0 to the Colts last week and it took said historic comeback for them to win in overtime. Against the Colts. Who are trash and are coached by an ESPN analyst. I think the Vikings will cover based on talent, but I’d stay away from this game given how Jekyll and Hyde the Vikings performances have been this year.
DET @ CAR +2.5: The Likings are rolling. When I typed that sentence my computer gave me the ole red underline indicating that there was a grammatical error, that’s how fucking bananas their 7-7 record is. The Panthers are also, surprisingly, playing decent football despite losing to the Steelers last week. I think Goff and the Lions offense has another big day and take care of business. Pick: Lions
SEA @ KC -10: Big spread alert. The Seahawks are trending downward while the Chiefs are fine-tuning their operation before another playoff run. The chiefs win, but Seattle covers in a game that’s never in question. Pick: Chiefs
HOU @ TEN -3: Houston seems to be in EVERY game they play but can’t find a way to win. I think they’ll win this one, however, and the hot seat I’ve been talking about that Mike Vrabel is perched upon will be even hotter after losing to the god-awful Texans. Pick: Texans
WSH @ SF -7: That SF defense is stupid good and will probably outscore the Commanders themselves, add in another masterclass in game management from Purdy and the 49ers roll face here. Pick: 49ers
PHI @ DAL -5.5: I love me some Gardner Minchew III, but he ain’t no Jaylen Hurts. Dallas will be looking to right the ship after their collapse against the Jags last week and to even the season series with the Eagles at 1-1. I think the Cowboys win this one in a game the Eagles don’t really show up for. Pick: Cowboys
LV @ PIT -2.5: I somehow think their improbable, official-aided, win last week against the Patriots will give the Raiders a bit of momentum that will help them win this game. I’m still not a believer in anything the Steelers are doing, and I think their coach is a boob, so I’ll take the Raiders to win in what will be their last win of the season before being destroyed by the 49ers and Chiefs in weeks 17 & 18. Pick: Raiders
TB @ ARI +7.5: The Bucs will cover, not because they are a good football team, but because the Cardinals are a bad team with no QB. This game will be unwatchable and should be played on Saturday to give this primetime, Christmas Day slot to a more deserving game. Pick: Buccaneers
GB @ MIA -4: Conventional wisdom says the Dolphins will roll after their 3-week road trip/losing streak. Conventional wisdom also says the Packers will fold like a wet cardboard box in the heat with nothing to play for. But…I like the Packers here. I think Tua and the Dolphins offense has been decoded a bit and Aaron Rodgers will come to play. Pick: Packers
DEN @ LAR +3: Two bad teams, but only one has Russell Wilson at quarterback, so we’re gonna pick the other team. Pick: Rams
LAC @ IND +4.5: Justin Herbert is going to beat the shit out of the Colts on national TV and I’ll be loving it. Pick: Chargers
